Dilemma

My DH is out in Vegas this week for work so we arranged for him to meet the potential surrogate there. She brought her husband along.

I was kind of anxious yesterday about how it would go. Due to the time difference, I never got to talk with my DH last night when he got home. I did get an e-mail from her saying that things went well and that they were all very comfortable around each other.

This morning my DH called to tell me how things went. I could tell by his tone that it was not going to be a rave review. He said she was very nice. Actually, if he had just met with her, he probably would have been very positive.

He felt uncomfortable around her husband though. He couldn't quite articulate it but he said there was just something strange about him. He also said he was childish acting (he's 41). He made one comment in particular that really stood out to my DH as being completely inappropriate. Apparently, the potential surrogate said something about how her husband has been good to put up with all of her hormonal mood swings throughout all of these pregnancies and her husband said "Well, I get something out of it because she usually needs a lot of extra attention about halfway through." She tried to deflect what he was saying and said "yeah, I ask for a lot of foot massages, etc." and he didn't get the hint and said "Not that kind of attention; you know what I mean". Well, needless to say, even though we don't exactly expect whoever does this for us to remain abstinent for 9 months, the image of the couple who is carrying our child having sex is not exactly one that we want planted into our heads. So, anyway, my husband just found that highly inappropriate.

I guess we were lucky with my other surrogate because we both found her husband to be very respectful and polite and he acted appropriately in various social situations. He was a gentleman and we liked him. That doesn't seem like it will be the case with what we are getting into.

So, I guess the big question is, does it matter? I did question my DH further and asked who seemed to be the boss in the relationship and he said that she did and that he basically acted more like a child. He said the one positive thing he could find to say was that they did seem to be affectionate towards one another. They have been married for 19 years so wouldn't that at least indicate some level of stability?

I'm thinking that this would only be a major issue if we lived close by and were having more interaction with him. Just given the distance factor, I just don't see us really having too much involvement with him. It seems like the most important thing would be my relationship with her and the two of us seem to get along very well. I do like her. Is that good enough for this to work? I know she would like to have some sort of continued relationship after a pregnancy. I mean it's not like she's demanding it, but I can tell from how she's talked about her experiences with past couples that she would hope for that. I figure that, if I become friends with whoever is my GS, of course I would send occasional e-mails, pictures and stay in touch. My DH commented that her DH being so unpleasant to be around would make a continued relationship more unlikely. But, again, with the distance factor I'm not seeing it being that big an issue. I have plenty of friends whose husbands I don't really have any interaction with because occasions just don't come up where I'm around them....especially those that live any distance away.

Any opinions? I'm really struggling with this.

My DH did say maybe her husband was just uncomfortable with or intimidated by the situation and that accounted for some of his behavior. I could tell he knew I was disappointed and he was trying his best to give him the benefit of the doubt.

We've already had her do the DQ alpha testing and are just waiting on the results. They said we should have them back by the 27th.