10dp5dt

My surrogate broke down and took a blood test at a place that gives the results directly to patients at 7dp5dt and it was negative.  That pretty much settled things.  Nonetheless, the clinic wanted another test today at 10dp5dt which was also negative (no surprise there).

From the moment the tested embryo was determined not to have thawed properly, I knew there was very little hope for this cycle.  And, actually, DH and I are relieved just to have it 

be a flat out BFN vs. a short lived BFP.

We set up our adoption home study appointment for next weekend.  If it seems to some of you that I'm jumping into adoption alarmingly fast, that's not really the case.   If it works out for us, I have a feeling I'll be kicking myself for having been so slow to head in that direction.  DH and I went into IVF saying that we'd adopt if it didn't work out for us.  I don't think either of us banked on doing as many cycles as we did and spending so many years.  It's just that we always seemed so close to having success.  

There was a point along the way where I started feeling ready to give up on IVF, but DH wasn't there yet.  Then, I think he was there at one point, but I wasn't.  I didn't want to pressure him into adoption.  I knew adoption was something we both had to feel fully ready for at the same time.  Recently, DH started bringing it up as something he really wants to move ahead with.   I'm not going to say I don't have fears about adopting.  It seems like a such a huge leap of faith but, if I trust my heart and what others who have adopted tell me, we're probably going to come out the other side wishing we had just done it sooner.   I've spent years thinking about it, reading about it and talking with people who have adopted so it's not like I'm going into it blindly by any means.  Even so, I'm just nervous about starting a whole new process and of the new types of disappointments that might be out there waiting for us.  

 

Decisions

Over the past couple days, DH and I have managed to reach a decision.

We are going to do the home study for adoption. I've already started getting the required letters of reference and documents together and will call tomorrow to set up the
appointment time. I know the home study itself will take up to a month before it's completed. During that time, I'll try to work on deciding if we should use an agency or attorney. We plan on adopting an infant domestically but, beyond that, I'm not sure yet what avenue we'll use to proceed with things. I can only hope this process ends up actually resulting in our becoming parents and, preferably, sometime before I turn 40. It's hard to believe that anything will after getting disappointed for so many years by infertility treatment.

Today is 6dp5dt for my surrogate and she's testing negative on HPT's. I was actually annoyed to find that my clinic expected her to test at 8dp5dt, not give us the result, then have her test again at 10dp5dt. We have to pay for these tests out of pocket and they are $ 200 each. So, if it was negative at 8dp5dt, we'd essentially be doing another test for no reason. I told my Dr. that I'd rather just do the first test at 10dp5dt so it can be accepted as a conclusive negative and then not have them require an additional test. I know $ 200 is not much in the scheme of IVF, but it's enough to have 2 nice dinners out.....or fill my gas tank four times......or buy a couple pairs of shoes......or do plenty of other things which are all a heck of a lot better than getting a repeat negative beta result. I mean who has ever gotten a beta done at 8dp5dt, had a complete negative, and actually gone on to get a positive 2 days later? I am guessing no one.