Father's Day

We got back from Long Island Friday night. We didn't want to leave my mother in law, but could tell she needed some time to herself. We've been calling her 3 to 4 times a day to check on her and plan to go back again Friday-Tues.

I know today is going to be especially rough for DH. Father's Day has always been kind of hard on him just like Mother's Day always is for me due to not having children. But, now he will also suffer because he no longer has his Dad either. I remember asking my MIL the week before last what we could get DH's Dad for Father's Day and she had said that he had been carrying around a soft briefcase sort of thing that DH had given to him years ago (I think it was just something that DH had and didn't use) to the point that it was getting holes in it. It was definitely nothing great but he liked it only because it was from DH. So, we had planned to get him a really nice one to replace it. I feel so upset that, if this had to happen, it couldn't have at least been after Father's Day so he could have gotten all the gifts and cards from the family and would have left knowing how much we all love him.

We canceled the July IVF cycle. We just don't have that in us right now. My intent when canceling had been to postpone until August and I think that's what DH wants to do. But part of me just feels like putting it on hold even longer until the next cycle Dr. S. has after that which is in Oct. If I could be reassured that waiting that long wouldn't make a difference, I would definitely wait.

I'm not sure what we'll do about the surrogacy. The lady who will be my GS is just wonderful and told me not to worry; that she'd wait for us as long as we needed her to. Financially, it's going to be rough as my FIL had been sending us money for the surrogacy. Now, after taking over management of the finances temporarily to help out, I can see he was being extremely generous by helping us. I'm sure he had been expecting money in for deals he was working on that would have taken care of everything, but now that money is not coming in and we certainly do not want to take anything from my MIL as she'll need what she gets for selling the house and from life insurance to take care of herself. But, my MIL insists that it was so important to my father in law that we do this and he would not have wanted us to cancel everything. She made me promise not to. So I guess we'll have to find some way to do it. I just can't see doing a fresh IVF cycle in August and trying to get my surrogate's transfer of the embryos we already have set up for August as well. It just seems like too much....emotionally and financially.

I really don't know what to do. I feel like I just have to make the decision and not trouble DH with this as he has more than enough to deal with right now.